okay amy, you can now stop harassing me about blogging. there we were. all set to leave arizona!!! and people wonder where i get my thumbs up from. ha. all four of us in my tiny little cobalt, about to drive across country.
no doubt about it, it was a long drive. but for the most part it wasn't bad at all. got to see a lot of the country. including where the tornado touched down in oklahoma, which just happened to be where the gas station i was planning on stopping at used to be, it was erie to say the least.
the highlight of the entire trip was definitely stopping in memphis and touring graceland for a morning. it was a very good experience and surprisingly a lot of fun.
mike had left for deployment the day before we left arizona. he was to spend a few days in virginia before leaving the country, so i was able to keep in contact with him for the first few days of my trip. it was weird once he left the country. it's a weird feeling to think that when you're phone goes off you can't even assume it's the one person you want it to be. no more texts. barely any calls. it was a lonesome feeling. but then i began to thank god for skype, and skype mobile. i'm able to text mike to his computer and video chat if we are ever available at the same time. it's amazing and i dont' know what we would do without it!
mike made it safely to "where he's supposed to be". and i couldn't be more proud of him. he's loving and supporting from the other side of the world and he's helping me transition to this whole new world day by day.
when we finally got to DC i was able to find a place pretty quick. i love the area, i love my tiny studio. my brother and sister left on monday, my dad left yesterday. it was strange to come home to my apartment for the first time and know that i was on my own. no one right there by my side to hold my hand through life anymore. it was a gut wrenching feeling of loneliness, as well as a sudden feeling of freedom.
there have been so many things i have been dreading the last month or so. mike leaving, me leaving, saying goodbye to my mom, driving across the country, trying to find a place, starting a new job, my first active duty experience, my family going back home, and me finally being on my own. but all that was over when i walked in from saying goodbye to my dad. i have nothing left to completely dread, only things to look forward to.
i'm not going to lie. we all know i bawled my eyes out all night last night. but all the while i felt more optimistic. i have things to look forward to. people coming to visit, starting my nursing career, MIKE COMING HOME! as lonely as i am, i have so much to be grateful for and so many people loving and supporting me. it means the world to me and i don't know where i would be without it.
i started my in processing on monday morning. which i have hated doing until today. it is a lot of running around the hospital getting people to sign off on a three page long check sheet. but today i started mandatory training classes, and it was a course on the computer carting program, and as i sat there learning how to chart on lung sounds, i&o's, heart rates and bowel sounds i remember why in the world i came here in the first place and i could not be more excited to finally start nursing.
which brings me to my first eye opening lesson. my first day at walter reed it was raining, and cold and i was miserable. trying to find my way around, trying to get my lame check sheet filled out. i got lost going from building to building, and my map was getting drenched in the rain. i was miserable, my nerves were making me want to throw up and i missed arizona and everyone in it so bad i wanted to cry.
as i was wandering down the sidewalk i finally take my eyes of my rain drenched map to see a young man, who couldn't have been older than me, coming up the hill that i was wandering down. when i saw him my heart ached. as he pushed himself, drenched in rain, in his wheelchair up the hill, missing his left leg. i felt selfish and like a little baby. here i was worried about me and everything i wanted as he battled something much bigger.
i was in rotc for four and half years. always dreamed of being an army nurse and taking care of those who have defended my freedom. i dont know why i never thought about anything, i never thought about what i would expect when i came to walter reed. i never imagined how many young men and women have sacrificed so much at such a young age. there are more young men in wheel chairs, missing legs and hands and fingers than i had ever thought about. i often resent people for not appreciating what people in the armed forces do for this country, and in all reality i still have no idea just how much some men and women go through. it breaks my heart. but that's why i wanted to be an army nurse to start. so here i am. first lesson learned.
